Engaged Encounter

Q:  How do I register for a marriage preparation program?

A:   You need to discuss marriage preparation with the priest or deacon at your parish who will oversee your preparation. He will advise you about what is required. If one of our programs is suggested, you simply complete the registration form and mail it to us with the payment.

Q:  Do you offer marriage preparation in English for married couples seeking a sacramental marriage?

A:   Yes. Please call or check the marriage preparation programs in this site for times and locations.

Q:  How much does Engaged Encounter cost?

A:  $195.00

Q:  How long will Engaged Encounter last?

A:   Friday evening @ 7:00p.m. until Sunday afternoon with conclusion of Mass.

Q:  Do I have to stay overnight for Engaged Encounter?

A:  Yes – atmosphere is created with no distractions to stimulate open communication.

Q:  Where the programs will be?

A:  All are @ Cameron Retreat Center, you will receive maps in confirmation packet.

Q:  Does it make a difference if my fiancé is ‘Not Catholic”?

A:  No – the non-catholic party will be pleasantly surprised that there may be two faiths, but only ONE Love. Catholicism is NOT shoved at him/her.

Q:  Will there be Mass on Sunday in the Engaged Encounter Program?

A:  Yes – very special – couples who have been together all weekend- receive certificates at the end.

Q:  Do I need to bring dress up clothes for Mass?

A:  You can if you wish, but the couples usually just continue with the comfortable clothes they have on…jeans, tees, tennis shoes, etc

Q: How many couples will be there?

A: For Engaged Encounter 32 couples + the weekend team, for the programs in Spanish 40 plus the team

Q: Do I have to bring a snack for everyone? (this question is address only to EE participants)

A: No – every couple will be bringing something so we will have a smorgessboard to beat the in- between- meal hungriness

Q:  How soon should we go to the EE or other Spanish Marriage Preparation Program before our wedding?

A: Ideally six to nine months is good, but because the programs fill up so very fast this can be problematic.

Q:  Can we leave the retreat center for awhile to take care of :

a) a parent?

b) pet?

c) job?

A: It is BEST to have someone else take care of your responsibilities for the weekend so that you can better concentrate on each other. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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New Life

Q:  What is New Life?

A: Is a program to prepare in a loving manner couples seeking happiness in a new Catholic marriage and to those already living that unique experience.

Q:  Who may participate in New Life?

A:  Couples in which one or both partners have been married before – whether that marriage ended in divorce or death; couples preparing for remarriage; couples already remarried; couples exploring the possibility of remarriage

Q:  Will New Life be appropriate for couples with children?

A:  Whether you have young children or adult children, this workshop will address your situation.

Q:  What takes place at a New Life Workshop?

A:  Will consist of one full day of presentations, writing time, couple sharing and small group discussions. The purpose of the whole programs as well as the content is to offer quality time one-on-one with your partner exploring your relationship.

Q:  We are not getting married until next year. Can we still register for New Life even thou my Annulment has not been finalized yet.

A:  Yes. Sometimes the Annulment process is very lengthy. This is why clergy recommendation is required. In addition to New Life being a marriage preparation program, it can also be used as a couple compatibility programs.

Q:  Our children are grown, is this the right program for us?

A:  Of course, the New Life program deals with many aspects of a couple's relationship- not just blended family issues.

Q:  We are much older, our first partner has died. Will this program still be good for us?

A:  Yes, while a person might have marriage experience from a prior successful relationship, their experience with a new partner is unique.

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Living Covenant

Q:   Does this retreat teach a special form of prayer for couples? 

A:   The Living Covenant fosters individual and couple prayer, and also includes prayers and several Catholic devotions involving the whole group.  The retreat concludes with Sunday mass.  We do not teach any one form of prayer, but encourage participants to choose the prayer forms they are comfortable with and feel called to.  Each person has a unique relationship with God.

Q:  If I'm not a Catholic, will I be "left out?"

A:   Many interfaith couples have participated in the retreat, and all benefited from it.  This includes Catholic-Jewish and Catholic-Protestant couples.  While the retreat is centered firmly in the Catholic tradition, during the private prayer each person prays in his own way.  At the conclusion of one retreat, a Baptist husband commented, "I learned a lot about my wife's faith, and I wish I had done this years ago."

Q:  We would like to go on a "Living Covenant" retreat, but our financial situation is shaky right now. Is there anything we can do? 

A:   Because of the generosity of some retreatants, we can sometimes offer assistance to those who can't pay the whole cost. Please contact our office to discuss it. (PLEASE LINK TO WINNIE'S INFORMATION)

Q:  How does this retreat compare with Marriage Encounter? 

A:   The retreat is like Marriage Encounter in that it's a weekend experience focused on renewal of the covenant between a husband and wife.  Like Marriage Encounter, each conference is presented by a couple and a priest.  But unlike Marriage Encounter, the retreat is quiet, slow-paced, and focused primarily on our relationship with God - as individuals and as couples.  Both experiences are valuable sources of marriage renewal and enrichment

Q:  Where is the Family Retreat Center at Circle Lake? What is it like? 

A:   Located the other side of Tomball on Hwy 249. It is beautiful...flowers everywhere, extremely peaceful

Q:  Will we have a house to ourselves?

A:   This depends on registration. Some of the houses do have the ability accommodate several couples giving each a private room and bath.

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Natural Family Planning

Q:  My doctor (nurse, PA, mother, friend) says that NFP is the Rhythm System, and it doesn’t work.  How is NFP different from Rhythm?

A:  Both methods are based on the woman being fertile only around ovulation time and infertile the rest of the cycle*. If the couple wants to avoid pregnancy, they don’t have sex during the fertile time. Rhythm used a calendar calculation based on the woman’s history of cycle lengths. However, it is common for a woman’s cycle to vary, so that the calculation was no longer appropriate. Another problem was that it was common for women to be given various approaches to the calendar calculation, many of which were not effective. As a result, in practice Rhythm gained a reputation of being too unreliable to be used confidently. NFP uses “real-time” signs of the woman’s actual fertile or infertile condition within each cycle. If the time of ovulation varies from cycle to cycle, the timing of the signs will change accordingly. As a result, NFP is effective even for women with irregular cycles. Studies have shown that NFP when used correctly is in the same category of effectiveness as the most effective artificial methods, such as the “Pill” (without, of course, the moral problems or medical side effects.) NFP is more effective than barrier methods such as the condom. * “Cycle” refers to the time from the first day of the menstrual period until the last day before the next period begins, normally 25 to 35 days.

Q:  Can NFP help a couple achieve pregnancy?

A:  NFP can help in at least two ways. First, for a couple with low fertility, timing may be critical. NFP can pinpoint the 2 or 3 best days in each cycle for achieving pregnancy. The second way NFP can help is by identifying certain kinds of fertility problems. The couple is then given an early indication that corrective action is needed. Sometimes simple dietary approaches suffice; otherwise, the couple knows to seek timely medical attention.

Q:  What are the differences among the different NFP teaching methods?

A:  The Ovulation Method, first taught in the 1950’s, uses the sign of the woman’s mucus discharge to identify the fertile time of the cycle. The Creighton Model also uses this one sign. Couple to Couple League teaches the signs of mucus, temperature, and cervix (sympto-thermal method). People who use Ovulation or Creighton appreciate the simplicity of only needing to observe one sign, while those using CCL appreciate having more information. All the methods are well-developed and effective. Unless new learners of NFP have a known preference for one of the methods, it is suggested they simply sign up for the most convenient class available regardless of method. More on the teaching methods and their organizations can be found on their respective websites: Billings Ovulation; Creighton Model; Couple to Couple League.

Q:  What is the NFP requirement for marriage preparation?

A:  It is recommended that all couples of child-bearing age preparing for marriage take a full series of classes, starting a few months before the wedding. Learning how to use NFP before the wedding day helps get the marriage off to a good start. A number of parishes and clergymen now require the full NFP course as part of marriage preparation. The guideline for the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston is for all couples of child-bearing age to attend a series of classes or at least an information meeting.

Q:  Why does the Catholic Church want us to use NFP?

A:  The Catholic Church, through intensive and prayerful study of the nature of God and the nature of mankind, recognizes that God’s will is for the act of sexual intercourse to always retain its unitive and procreative meanings. Anything less would be contrary to the dignity of human beings, created male and female in the very image of God. Natural Family Planning does not separate these two essential meanings of sex, and it is effective. Thus, it is the best morally acceptable means we know of for avoiding contraception yet being able to reliably plan our families.

Q:  Does the Church expect us to have all the children we can physically have?

A: The Church teaches that married couples must exercise Responsible Parenthood, and it places no value on any couple having more children than they can handle. There are two key elements in Responsible Parenthood:

•   Prudence to wisely assess the resources we need to provide for the physical, emotional, spiritual and educational needs of the children we plan to have, and

•   Generosity in being open to having the children that prudence tells us we can properly care for.

Resources necessary for raising children include of course financial, but also personal, relational, psychological, and spiritual resources. Each couple decides prayerfully before God what Responsible Parenthood calls them to; no one can make these decisions for another couple. Couples are reminded not to be materialistic or selfish in their decision-making, and to remember that children are a great gift from God. How that plays out for each couple depends on their unique circumstances. For some couples, having all the children possible is an appropriate way to be responsible parents. For some, this may still mean small families because of low fertility, age, or other circumstances. Others are fortunate to be able to have large families. Such families are often characterized by a positive and joyful spirit, giving witness to the words of Pope John Paul II who reminded parents that often the best gift for their children is another sibling. In any case, Natural Family Planning is the best approach we are aware of for practicing Responsible Parenthood effectively.

Q:  If a couple has good reason to avoid pregnancy, what’s the difference if they use contraception or NFP? Either way, they intend the same outcome.

A:  The morality of an act is determined by three factors: the object, the end, and the circumstances. (See Catechism 1750-61) The object refers to the objective nature of the act itself; the end (intention) is the reason the act is performed, and the circumstances are the context. All three – object, end, circumstances – must be good for an act to be morally right. If a couple, based on their situation, has properly decided that they should avoid pregnancy, then their intention (the end) is morally good under the circumstances. However, their use of contraception would be objectively wrong in itself because it radically changes the internal meaning of the marital act by separating the unitive and procreative aspects of sexual intercourse. Pope John Paul II had this to say about the difference between NFP and contraception: The innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life, but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality…[The difference] between contraception and [NFP]… is a difference which is much wider and deeper than is usually thought, one which involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality. (Familiaris Consortio 32)

Q:  The doctor said I must take the “Pill” for medical reasons. Is that OK?

A:  It depends on the situation. Use of the birth control pill (or other source of artificial hormones) as medicine to treat a serious medical condition may be morally acceptable if certain conditions are met, under the principle of “double effect.” Pope Paul VI’s encyclical Humanae Vitae (15) says this about such circumstances: The Church, moreover, does allow the use of medical treatment necessary for curing diseases of the body although this treatment may thwart one’s ability to procreate. Such treatment is permissible even if the reduction of fertility is foreseen, as long as the infertility is not directly intended for any reason whatsoever. Applying the principle of “double effect” is best done under the direction of a reliable spiritual advisor such as a priest who is knowledgeable on the issues involved.

Q:  What if I can’t get pregnant?

A:  If you have tried to get pregnant for one year without NFP, or for 6 months while using NFP, you may need to take extra measures. The recommended strategy would be to start with the simplest, least-costly and least-invasive approaches and move to more elaborate means only if needed. After prayer, suggested steps in priority order are:

•   If not using NFP, sign up for a series of classes and tell the teacher your purpose.

•   Use NFP to optimize “timing” and to check for any signs of fertility issues – consult your NFP teacher.

•   A woman who is exercising regularly and vigorously may need to exercise more moderately.

•   Use proper diet and diet supplements as directed in some NFP texts and in Fertility, Cylces and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon.

•   If possible when seeking medical care for fertility, go to a doctor who is sensitive to the moral issues involved, and hopefully, familiar with NFP. An OB/GYN, reproductive endocrinologist, or even family practitioner may be helpful. The Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha (Creighton Model) has an outstanding fertility practice which avoids immoral approaches to fertility.

•   Avoid all immoral methods of fertility care. The basic principle is the same as in the case of contraception: the unitive and procreative meanings of the marriage act must never be separated. In vitro fertilization (IVF), which is commonly suggested by fertility specialists, is immoral for two serious reasons: 1) it separates the unitive and procreative; and 2) it involves the conception of a number of “extra” embryos which are either aborted or otherwise eventually destroyed. This of course is a significant life issue.

Artificial insemination is also immoral because it too separates unitive and procreative.

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Marriage Encounter

Q:  What is Marriage Encounter?

A:  It’s a weekend program that is designed to give married couples the opportunity to examine their lives together, a time to share their feelings, their hopes, their disappointments, joys and frustrations. It is not a retreat or a marriage clinic or a group sensitivity course.

Q:  What is the emphasis on the content of Marriage Encounter?

A:  The emphasis is on communication between husband and wife

Q:  Who is it for?

A:  Any married couple who desires a richer fuller life together.

Q:  Do you have to be Catholic to participate?

A:  The weekend is Catholic in orientation and expressed in the tradition and understanding of the Catholic Church but is also open to couples of other faiths.

Q:  Does the weekend respect the couple’s privacy?

A:  Yes. The weekend is oriented only to the couple. The presentations are given to the groups as a whole. After each presentation, the husband and wife have time in the privacy of their room for their own personal discussion.

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Retrouvaille

Q:  What is Retrouvaille?

A:  It’s a Catholic program that consists of a weekend experience and a series of 12 presentation offered within the three months following the weekend phase, designed to re-establish the communication and to get new insights into themselves as individuals and as couple.

Q:  What type of couples can participate in Retrouvaille?

A:  All ages of couples, from many walks of life and ethnic backgrounds. Some have already separated or divorced, but want to try again. Many are struggling to stay together. What all these couples have in common is a sincere desire to build a stable loving marriage.

Q:  Does the program respect the couple’s privacy?

A:  You will not be asked to share your problems with anyone else. However you will be encouraged to put the past behind you, to look beyond the hurt and pain, in order to rediscover each other in a new and positive way.

Q:  Why does the program have follow-up sessions, for three months?

A:  These sessions are very important phase of the retrouvaille healing process. The hurt and the pain of falling out of love cannot be healed in a single weekend experience. This phase offers a more relaxed setting to explore other subjects relating to marriage and love and to renew your commitment and to develop new insights and skills.

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Mother-Daughter & Father-Son

Q:   Can I bring my 9 year old?

A:   We do not recommend bringing a child who is 9 unless they are within a month or two of their 10th birthday and have the social maturity of a 10 year old. There is a group activity for the girls and often time's younger girls do not feel comfortable in the setting.

Q:  Can I bring a daughter who is older than 12?

A:  We do not recommend bringing girls older than 12 unless they have just turned 13 in the past month or two. Usually older girls are starting to focus more on boy/girl relationships and the purpose of this program is to help the girls be more comfortable with the onset of their menstruation.

Q:  Can you tell me something about this program?

A:  The program was designed to give mothers and daughters or fathers and sons an opportunity to have a special time in which to learn about and discuss the onset of the daughters'/sons' fertility. This is one building block for a mom/dad to create a good relationship with her/his daughter/son.

The mother and daughter program begins with a prayer and there is some time for the moms and daughters to interact.

   Typically, a mother/daughter team will share some insights into how they have worked through this time in their relationship. There is a talk called God's Plan which discusses some of the things the young girls will encounter as they go through this time of life. This talk is followed by a Power Point presentation on what happens with a woman's reproductive organs in the process of ovulation. Menstruation is part of this process.  Male sexual reproductive organs are briefly mentioned. During this presentation, the subject of sexual intercourse is briefly addressed in reference to the creation of new life. Sexual intercourse is presented as an act of married love. All of this is presented in the context of

God's Plan for our sexuality, if a girl chooses marriage in the future. The second half of the program is a group activity with daughters' groups and mothers' groups in the same room. There is a time for reporting discoveries in the small groups back to the large groups. At the end there is a closing prayer and a blessing that the mom bestows on her daughter.

Q:   I have two children who fall into the age requirements. Can I bring them both at the same time?

A:   We do not recommend that you bring them to the same program. We even recommend separating TWINS. We encourage you to make this a special time for the child that you are bringing. It may be one of the few times in their lives that they have your undivided attention. The program does more than just give information about a subject that is difficult to talk about. The program actually supports, builds, and strengthens the bond between parent and child. This is done BEST on a one-to-one basis. This opens the lines of communication for other topics as well as the children approach the challenging teen years.

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Parenting

Q:  Is the supervision important in dealing with children?

A:  Children depend on their parents and family members for encouragements, protection and support as they learn to think for themselves. Without proper supervision children do not receive the guidance they need. Studies report that unsupervised children often have behavior problems.

Q:  What can I do to supervise my child?

A:  There are many ways to supervise your child, but here we give some suggestions: Insist on knowing where your children are at all times and who their friends are. When you are unable to watch them ask someone you trust to watch them for you, never leave young children home alone, even for short time.

Encourage your school-aged and older children to participate in supervised after-school activities such as sports teams, tutoring programs, or organized recreation, all these run by adults whose values you respect.

Accompany your children to supervised play activities and watch how they get along with others. Teach your children how to respond appropriately when other use insults or threats or deal with anger by hitting. Explain your children tht these are not appropriate behaviors and encourage them to avoid other children that behave like that.

Q:  Is my example as a parent important to raise my children to resist violence and also other bad behavior?

A:  Children very often learn by example. The behavior, values-virtues, and attitudes of parents and siblings have a strong influence on children. Virtues and values of respect, honesty, and pride in your family and heritage can be extremely important source of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative peer pressure. Try to live these virtues and values at home in the relationship with other adults. Children are very likely to repeat good and bad behaviors, and parents sometimes encourage aggressive behaviors without knowing it. For example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn to fight. Teach your children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists, threats or weapons.

Q:  How can I punish my children and show them what is an appropriate behavior?

A:   You can teach your children non aggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems and talk about what might happen if the solve the problems without violence. Help your child to learn constructive and positive ways to enjoy their free time.

Hitting, slapping or spanking children as a punishment shows them that it is okay to hit others to solve problems and an train them to punish other in the same way they were punished. Sometimes it is better to punish by giving them "time out", making children sit quietly, usually one minute for each year of age; taking away certain privileges or treats and "grounding" not allowing children to play with friends or take part in school or community activities  (this is good for older or adolescent children). In general, children need to feel that if they make mistakes, they can correct them, a positive approach to changing behavior is to emphasized rewards for a good behavior instead of punishments for bad behavior. Remember that praise and affection is more powerful that physical punishment, physical punishments stop unwanted behavior only for a short time.

Q:  It is important to be consistent about rules and discipline?

A:   Yes it is very important. When you make a rule, stick to it. Children need structure with clear expectations for their behavior. Setting rules and then not enforcing them is confusing and sets up children to "see what they can get away with". Explain to your children what do you expect, and the consequences for not following the rules, this will help them learn to behave in ways are good for them and for others around them.

Q:  Is the TV and media good for children?

A:  We live in a world of instant information and entertainment at your fingertips. There's a variety of media - whether it's movies, radio, music, newspapers or magazines - and it is everywhere and a part of everything. As the numbers show, TV, radio, books, computers, and a variety of other media instantly become a part of a newborn's world. Many babies listen to music from wind-up stuffed toys, CDs or recorded songs. Here are some statistics on media and children (age birth through six) from a 2003 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Children Birth through Age Six:

• 99% live in a home with a TV,

• 50% live in a home with three or more TVs,

• 75% live in a home with a computer,

• 63% live in a home with internet access, and

• 34% have a newspaper subscription in their home.

Whether TV, computer games, or popular music is "good" or "bad" for children is an ongoing concern for many parents. Children of all ages can be exposed to violence, sexual images, and curse words through TV, video games, songs, or the internet.

This is a fact that parents, child care providers and other adults are aware of and have to address. It may be hard for parents to keep up with what's "new" or what exactly is being shown or said in the many types of media their children can access. Whether media is good or bad for your child can sometimes be answered by asking yourself these questions:

• "Is it appropriate for my child's age, maturity level and character formation?"

• "Knowing my child as I do, is there a chance it may do harm or have a negative effect on her?"

• "Do I want my child to see or hear or read it?"

So, is media good for your children? The answer is it depends - on what the specific programming, movies, materials, lyrics, photographs are showing (or saying) and the age of the child. In general these days we can say that most of media is clearly not appropriate for children of any age. In the end you are the ultimate judge and gatekeeper to help determine what your children will end up viewing and hearing.

Q:  What can I do to protect my children from media?

A:  There are many things adults would prefer not to see and hear. However, most adults are capable of making and carrying out these choices. Children, especially young children, do not have the same ability as adults to make such decisions. Nor are they, at such young ages, capable of knowing what is real or fantasy, or knowing how to handle feelings that they may have because of what they are seeing or hearing.

Laws are also in effect that govern what type of commercials and how many ads can be shown during children's programs on TV. There are a handful of other laws that were established to protect children from media, and all of these laws and standards came into being because of parents' concerns.

There has been a lot of interest on the impact of television on children. The effect of TV and movie violence on children and the link between TV viewing and obesity in children has been studied. Bottom-line findings in these studies are that children who view aggressive or violent acts on TV tend to act more aggressively. Children who watch more TV tend to be overweight

One way parents can help protect their children from undesirable media is to know what kinds of television, music, and images you do not want your children to see or hear. You may not always be aware of what your child may hear or see, but it's always best to be prepared. Focus on knowing what is available to your children. Watch TV or movies with them - find out what they're about before viewing. Make choices as to what your children will have access to and limit what you don't want them accessing.

Q:  What parents can do to monitor media?

A:  There are many ways to do this in accordance to the age level:

Infants and Toddlers

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under age two do not watch television. It is important that young children in this age range be engaged in brain developing activities rather than a passive activity such as watching TV.

• Talk to your child care provider to make sure you both are in agreement that your child will not watch TV.

• Be aware of the music and lyrics playing in your car or at home that your infant and toddler may hear (and may later repeat).

• Limit the time TV is on and watched. Many homes have their TVs on nonstop whether someone is watching or not

Preschool Children

Between ages 3 and 5, many children become familiar with popular TV and movie characters geared toward young children.

• Know the content of a TV program or movie before your child sees it. For movies, check the ratings or reviews on them.

• Choose books for your child's age. Read a book before reading to your child to see what it is about so you can explain things, ask questions, or answer questions about it.

• Talk to your child care provider about what types and how much TV or movies you want your child to see daily

• Be aware of music played while in the car and at home. You may be surprised at the lyrics of popular music or songs.

• Be aware of newspaper or magazine photos your child could see that may have violent or graphic images.

School-age Children

As your child gets older, it gets harder to know of or control everything he is exposed to through media. Your school-age child's circle of friends and influences continues to grow through school and outside activities. In addition to doing the same things you would for a toddler and preschooler, to monitor your school-age child's access to media, try these additional suggestions.

• Decide on rules and expectations. Know what you do and do not want your child to be exposed to. Let your child know what your expectations and rules are on video games, TV programs, music and movies.

• Use lockboxes or V-Chips or computer software. To prevent your child from seeing certain programs or websites, use the available technology to block unwanted images on your TV or computer.

• Talk to your child regularly. Of course you already do this, but you may have to ask direct questions to find out exactly what your child sees, hears, or plays on a daily basis when he is not at home.

Knowing what your child is seeing, hearing, reading, and playing is the basic and best way to have control over what your child is exposed to through the media. Parents are in the best position to protect children from media that is inappropriate and potentially harmful.

Q:  What are the signs to detect if my child is having some sort of behavioral problems or is suffering for some sort of abuse?

A:  Parents need to stay involved with your children, their friends and family. It is important that you and your child learn to take precautions against becoming victims of any kind of abuse. Also you must be a fundamental part in the lives of your children, read stories, play with them, share their fears, happiness, sadness, and tell family stories about admired relatives who have made the world a better place. Love them!

Parents whose children show the warning signs listed below should discuss their concerns with a professional, who will help them understand their children and suggest ways to help change their behavior.

Preschool Children

Has many temper tantrums in a single day or several lasting more than 15 minutes and often cannot be calmed.

Have many aggressive outbursts, sometimes for not reason. Is extremely active, impulsive and fearless; consistently refuses to follow directions; consistently do not listen to adults; does not touch. Look for or return to parents, frequently watches violence on TV, engaged in play that has violent or certain sexual themes or is cruel toward other children

School-age Children

Has trouble paying attention and concentrating; often disrupts classroom activities; does poorly in school; do not talk or interact with other in the classroom; reacts with anger to disappointments, criticism or teasing; watches lots of movies, plays or TV of inadequate content. Has few friends and is sometimes rejected by to other children because his or her behavior; it is cruel with other children or pets; is easily frustrates; consistently does not listen to adults; wants to hurt him/herself

Preteen or Teenaged Adolescent

Consistently does not listen to authority figures; pays not attention to the feelings or rights of others; drinks alcohol and/or uses inhalants or drugs; mistreats people and seems to rely on physical abuse or threats to solve problems; joins gang, gets involved in fighting, staling or destroying property; does poorly in school and often skips class; misses school frequently for no identifiable reason; looks depress and very reserved.

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Domestic Violence

Q:  What is Domestic Violence?

A:  Domestic violence is any kind of behavior that a person uses to control an intimate partner through fear and intimidation.

Q:  What type of abuses are considering Domestic Violence?

A:  Any type of abuse could be considered as an act of domestic violence. A domestic violence act includes: physical, sexual psychological, verbal and economic abuse.

Q:  Please, give me some examples of domestic abuse

A:  some examples include battering, name calling and insults, threats to kill or harm one's partner or children, destruction of property, marital rape, forced sterilization or abortion.

Q:  Why men batter?

A:  Domestic violence is a learned behavior. Men who batter learn to abuse through observation, experience, and reinforcement. They believe that they have the right to use violence. Abusive men come from al economic classes, races, religions and occupations.

Q:  What are the characteristics of an abusive men or woman?

A:  While there is no one type, men or women who abuse share some common characteristics. They tend to be extremely jealous, possessive, and easily angered. Many try to isolate or control the live of their partners by limiting their contact with family or friends. Typically all abusers deny that the abuse is happening, or they minimize it

Q:  Are alcohol or/and drugs the cause of Domestic Violence?

A:  Alcohol and/or drugs are often associated with domestic violence but they do not cause it, an abusive person who drinks or uses drugs have two distinct problems: substance abuse and violence. Both must be treated

Q: Why women stay in an abusive relationship?

A:  Women stay with men who abuse them primarily out of fear. Some fear that they will lose their children. Many believe that they cannot support themselves, much less their children.

Q:  Why the church encourages woman to accept mistreatment?

A:  The church do not encourages woman to accept mistreatment. The church and its bishops condemn the abusive behavior in any form. The correct reading of interpretation of the Bible or any Church document leads people to an understanding of the equal dignity of men and woman and to relationships based on mutuality and love.

Q:  I  am married by the Catholic Church , I have to stay in an abusive marriage because the Church teachings?

A:  No person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage.  Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship.  They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce.  They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up marriage.  We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking annulment.  An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.

Q:  I am a family minister and some times I am the "first responder" in a case of domestic violence, what I should do?

A:  Church minister should become familiar with the reality of domestic violence and follow the reporting requirements of their state. We also encourage church ministers to see themselves as "first responders" who: listen to and believe in the victim's story; help the victim to assess the danger to his/herself and his/her children, and refer him/her to counseling and other specialized services.  Church ministers need to hold them accountable for their behavior. They can support the abusive person as he/she seeks specialized counseling to change his/her abusive behavior. Couple counseling is not appropriate and can endanger the victim's safety.

Q:  How an abuse person can help?

A:  An abuse person can help in her own situation if she/he begin to believe that they are not alone and that help is available for them and for their children; if they talk in confidence to someone they trust; if they choose to stay in the situation, at least for now, setting up a plan of action to ensure their safety, this includes hiding a car key, personal documents, and some money in a safe place and locating somewhere to go in an emergency; finding our abut resources in their area that offered help to batters victims and their children. Your diocesan Catholic Charities office or Family Life office can help.

Q:  How a man who abuse can help?

A:  First, admit that the abuse is your problem, not your partner's, and have the manly courage to seek help. Be willing to reach our for help, talk to someone you trust who can help you evaluate the situation; contact Catholic Charities or other church or community agencies for the name of a program for abusers; or refer to the portion of this site .  Keep in mind that the Church is available to help you, part of the mission Jesus entrusted to us is to offer healing when is needed Contac your parish. Find alternative ways to act when you become frustrated or angry, talk to other men who have overcome abusive behavior. Find out what they did and how they did it.

Q:  How a Pastor or/and pastoral staff can help?

A:  It is important that you make your parish a safe place where abused and abusers can come for help. Include information about domestic violence and local resources in parish bulletins and newsletters and on websites, you can also link it to our Family Life Ministry website; distribute the resource booklet "When I Call for Help" in your parish or/and the resource card. Keep and updates list of resources for abused women, this can be a project for the parish pastoral council, social justice committee or women's group. Find a staff person or volunteer who is willing to receive in depth training on domestic violence; ask this person to serve as a resource and to help educate others about abuse. Provide training on domestic violence to all church ministers.  Use liturgies to draw the attention to violence and abuse, especially during the national observance of October as "Domestic Violence Awareness Month"

Q:  How can parents and others can also take steps to reduce or minimize violence?

A:  Research has shown that violent or aggressive behavior is often learned in earlier life. Parents and family members, and others who care for children can help them learn to deal with emotions without using violence. Parents play a valuable role in reducing violence by raising children in safe and loving homes.

Q:  It is love and attention enough to help children to achieve a good and not aggressive behavior?

A:  Every child needs a strong, loving relationship with a parent or other adult to feel sate and secure and to develop a sense of trust. Without a steady bond to a caring adult, a child is at risk for becoming hostile, difficult and hard to manage. Behavior problems and delinquency are less likely to develop in children whose parents are involved in their lives, especially at an early age.

Q:  I can't not be so lovely to my child all the time, what can I do?

A:  It's not easy to show love to a child all the time. It can be even harder if you are a young, inexperienced, or single parent, or if your child is sick or has special needs.  If our child seems unusually difficult, discuss this with your child's pediatrician or an counselor, he or she can give you advice and direct you to a local parenting classes that teach positive ways to handle the situation.

It is important to remember that children have minds of their own. Their increasing independence sometimes leads them to behave in ways that disappoint, anger, or frustrate you. Patience and willingness to view the situation through children's eyes, before reacting, can help you to deal with you emotions.

Q:  Is my example as a parent important to raise my children to resist violence?

A:  Children very often learn by example. The behavior, values-virtues, and attitudes of parents and siblings have a strong influence on children. Virtues and values of respect, honesty, and pride in your family and heritage can be extremely important source of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative peer pressure. Try to live these virtues and values at home in the relationship with other adults. Children are very likely to repeat good and bad behaviors, and parents sometimes encourage aggressive behaviors without knowing it. For example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn to fight. Teach your children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists, threats or weapons.

Q:  What can I do if I have a gun at home and also I have children?

A:  Guns and children can be a deadly combination. Teach your children about the dangers of firearms or other weapons. If your own and use them and you keep a gun in your home, unload it and lock it up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms even if unloaded, in places where children can find them. The best practice is to don't carry or own a gun or a weapon. If you do this tells your children that using guns solves problems.

Q:  It is good to try to keep my children away from seeing violence in the media?

A:   Yes it is. Seeing a lot of violence on television, in the movies, and in video games can lead children to behave aggressively. As a parent, you can control the amount of violence your children see in the media. Limit television viewing time to 1 to 2 hours a day, discuss with your children ways to solve problems with out violence when you watch that happen in a TV show or movie.

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