Enriching Your Marriage

On enriching your marriage, inspiring your children, and deepening your faith: www.susanvogt.net

Healthy Marriage Pamphlet Series (there is no cost to view or download these pamphlets)

www.healthymarriage.org/pamphletseries.htm

[ back to top ]

Family Perspective

Monthly Family Perspective Thoughts

Click here to download the most recent month.

[ back to top ]

Mothers

For Mothers To Be:

All this is only the beginning of the birth pangs. (Mathew 24:8, JB)

Birth pangs are an image of something painful that is bringing about something better. The price for bringing about something better is to go through the pain of birth. Male gods create by a flick of their creative finger. Female gods create by labor pains. Much of patriarchal Christian interpretation has been trying to avoid pain; it thought birth pangs were unnecessary. That’s why we couldn’t hear Jesus.

If we had an image of God as the great Mother who is birthing, I think birth pangs would have been preached about a lot more. And a woman —at least a woman who has had a child— understands something I will never understand: the connection between pain and life.

Richard Rohr, Radical Grace: Daily Meditation.

What’s A Mother To Do?

A Mother Loves…  “You start by loving. Loving a child won’t solve all the problems, but unless he is loved, nothing else will ever help enough”   – Joan Beck in “Effective Parenting”

A Mother Sets Limits…”Children, even more than adults, need structure in their lives. They are even less certain of their actions if left to themselves…. The child both needs and wants direction and limits”   – Joseph and Lois Bird in “Power to the Parents”

A Mother Encourages… “(Your child) wants you to assist him in using his own resources and to recognize and be proud of his accomplishments. Your support will give him the impetus to carry on”   – Dr. Lee Salk in “What Every Child Would Like His Parents to Know”

A Mother Teaches… “We don’t learn from being told. We learn from watching, observing, picking it up and trying it out”    – Leo Buscaglia in “Living, Loving and Learning”

A Mother is Patient… “Being a mother has made me grow as a person. It has taught me patience and it has taught me to be more loving with others”   – Jill Staples, a young St. Louis mother

A Mother Knows Herself…”You must know yourself. You must know your limits. You must know your strong points. You must know what you can tolerate”   – Florence Niles, teacher

A Mother Makes Choices… “It is time we recognized that there is a harsh conflict between the demands of a career and raising a family, no matter how fulfilling and rewarding both may be”

–  Grace Hechinger, educator and writer

A Mother Make Mistakes… “If you truly love and respect your child, you can make certain mistakes…and it won’t be the end of the relationship. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, because the underlying foundation is there” – Herbert Kohl in “Growing With Your Children”

A Mother Accepts… “To communicate love, parents need a language of acceptance: words that value feelings, responses that change moods, answers that call for goodwill, and replies that radiate respect”   – Haim Ginott, child psychologist

A Mother Suffers… “And sorrow, like a sharp sword, will break your own heart”   – Simeon’s comment to Mary when She brought Jesus to the temple

[ back to top ]

For Parents

Parenting Tips & Thoughts:

Make your influence positive, click here to view video.

Pointed Advice for Parents:

Just a thought:

They just won’t leave me “alone?”… How often you hear those words in a family.

Mom says, “Did you finish your homework?”  Tommy says, “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

Dad says, “Better hurry, you’ll be late.”  Sue shouts, “I know the time! Leave me alone!”

But that’s the wonderful thing about being part of a family. They just won’t leave you —alone! 

That’s life.

Bernadette McCarver Snyder

Parent's Prayer

O Heavenly Father, make me a better parent.
Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say,
and answer all their questions kindly.
Keep me from interrupting them or contradicting them.
Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me.
Forbid that I should ever laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame
or ridicule when they displease me.
May I never punish them for my own selfish satisfaction or to show my power.
Let me not tempt my child to lie or steal.
And guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate
by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness.
Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me.
And when I am out of sorts, help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue.
May I ever be mindful that my children are children
and I should not expect of them the judgment of adults.
Let me not rob them of the opportunity to wait on themselves and to make decisions.
Bless me with the bigness to grant them all their reasonable requests
and the courage to deny them privileges I know will do them harm.
Make me fair and just and kind.
And fit me, O Lord, to be loved and respected and imitated by my children.
Amen

Kids Want Their Parents To Be Parents

From the Hope Journal of the National Catholic Council on Alcoholism and Related Drug Problems comes the following pointed advice for parents:

From Kathy Jobin LPN Certified Alcohol and Drug Prevention Specialist with Illinois Churches in Action and Vice President of the Illinois Drug Education Alliance……

“Adults must set the groundwork and be a role model for their beliefs.  Easier said than done!  Yet it is truly the only way we can expect our children to make the right choices.

Putting our beliefs and value into action takes commitment, courage and holding up one’s head through adversity.  We say to our child, ‘We don’t want to expect you to use alcohol or other drugs because it’s not good for you, and we love you enough to want the best for you.’  Yet we must stand behind these convictions.  That means helping to provide consequences if the occasion requires it not just for someone else’s child, but also for our own.

Our teens use drugs and alcohol at such a high level because they are well aware that there will be no consequences.  As parents, we must be the first to provide the consequences – ahead of the Church, school or law enforcement.

 

From Mary Sunday, Prevention Coordinator for public and private schools in Wheaton, Illinois……

 “There is a real push for everyone today to do their own thing, but what is really important is to be involved in your child’s life.  Be present in their lives.  Do activities as a family, eat together, go to church together and play together.  It is your responsibility as a parent to set up these parameters.  Most likely your child won’t volunteer to do these activities and likely will complain, but hopefully time, involvement and commitment are what they will remember.

Get to know your children’s friends.  Talk with them; find out about their lives.  Get o know the parents of your children’s friends.  Talk to them, open lines of communication between you and the other parents.  Ask questions.  Set boundaries.  Impose consequences.   Ask where your child is going.  Who will be there?  Will the parents be home?  Call and check on your child.  Let your children know this is part of your parenting style.

Being a parent is not a popularity contest.  Parent from the heart!  Love your children and let them know you are proud of them.

From Lori Berkes-Nelson Illinois certified addictions counselor……

“I asked recovering teenagers what valuable skills they learned from their parents that helped or what they wished they had learned that might have prevented some of their problems.  Their responses resounded all the prevention messages I have learned:

‘Talk to your kids about drugs and alcohol.’

‘When you punish them stick with the consequences.’

‘Know that kids are using at much younger ages.’

‘Help them say no.’

‘Listen to them.’

‘Hang their art work on the refrigerator.’

‘Know who their friends are.’

‘Help them get involved in things.’

‘Teach them about God.’

‘If they need help don’t be afraid to ask for it for them.’

It’s scary to think that my children will be confronted with decisions at a much earlier age than I ever was, but I believe that I can help them and I believe that I am setting the groundwork now for those times in their lives.”

[ back to top ]

Ministers

Tip for Ministers:

Family Holiness

“Parish leaders need to foster in themselves an incarnational spirituality… in order to understand…family holiness, a holiness that sets families apart from selfish influences in society and sets them apart for loving relationships that can build a society consistent with the beauty of the kingdom of God”

Jim Merhaut, Families and Faith, p. 24          

[ back to top ]

Abuse

For Abused Family Members:

Believe that you are not alone

You do not deserve to be abused

Help is available

The Church is available to help you

Talk in confidence to trustworthy person

Find out about local resources

For Abusers:

Admit that the abuse is wrong, your problem, and under your control

Have the courage to seek help

Be willing to reach out for help

[ back to top ]

Alcohol and Drugs

To recognize if someone is in need of help because use of alcohol and /or drugs:

Here is a simple quiz to determine if someone is in need of help:

Do you (or they) consistently break promises to yourself about drinking/drug use?

Do others have different version of your drinking/drug use than you have?

Are you paying an emotional price for your alcohol/drug use?

Do you do things under the influence that violate your own values?

Did you lie to yourself when you answered the previous questions?

If the answers are yes of those questions, some form of interventions is appropriate. Most often addicted persons are in such pathological denial that they not only refuse help but are angry and resentful when it is offered. Still when those who do recover are interviewed they consistently report the following:

I couldn’t see that it was bad

I didn’t know I was hurting so many people

I didn’t think anybody still cared

I couldn’t see a way out with dignity

For intervention to be effective it must respond to those four unspoken cries for help.

Caution: When there is a history or a threat of violence, professional assistance should be sought before attempting to intervene.

[ back to top ]